Pilates for DUMMIES.

... Well, ONE dummy, anyway.

—

How I medaled in fitness-ball vaulting

So I started doing Pilates. Yoga. Whatever. Anyway, I have a giant inflatable reddish ball — faded maroon? — as big as the sun in my living room. I'm told by those nice people on the included DVDs this immense crimson-esque orb will help flex my body in completely unnatural but healthy ways, if I but only trust my own stability to a dense foam brick. Rapture!

I really suck at it.

I'm not naturally coordinated, and, well... I fell on my head. Seriously. I got on that giant fuchsia-ish ball thingy, and I fell on my head.

In my defense, I really thought the big red ball was closer to the big leather couch, which I was hoping to use as a balance support to sort of ease my way into a backwards stretch. I was leaning back, arms outstretched to grab hold of the couch... Alas. I misjudged the space. Ouch.

Granted, it wasn't my very first time on the big red ball, but it was the first time I attempted to do anything other than SIT on the big red ball.

But I digress.

As I sat reflecting on what had just happened to me, possibly in shock, a wave of regret passed over me. Regret that no one else was in the apartment when it happened, because the whole scene just HAD to have been freakin' HILARIOUS to witness. Most of my more major vertical challenges have been.

After I had replayed the whole thing in my head a half dozen times, the laughter subsided, and I began to realize that I actually was pretty lucky. Such a bounce off a immense bouncy rosy orb thingy could have resulted in me breaking my neck, and there I would have been: sprawled out there in my living room, inches away from a giant red ball.

The whole experience seems, on its circumference, a definite argument FOR the gym membership, and, perhaps, an equally strong argument AGAINST it. Wouldn't you hate it if your limp mishapen body were discovered sprawled next to a giant red inflatable ball?

"Miss Scarlet did it in the gym with one bounce." Doesn't have a good ring to it, you know?

Although, I'm guessing that at gym, they would at least have the decency to move the ball aside whilst attempting to revive you.

Anyway, the big red ball is currently in time out, as you can see above. I'll stick to the floor exercises until I can achieve a higher level of Zen, or at least a better sense of balance. ... USA!!!